


Aurora Borealis

by glass_spark



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Aurora Borealis, Delphi, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, It Gets Better, Messatine, Soft Ending, ambulon has like one line, lots of crying pharma, subzero temperatures but it's only a plot device
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 19:46:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18184943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glass_spark/pseuds/glass_spark
Summary: Post Pharma selling his soul to the DJD but before he loses his marbles.Pharma sits on the roof of Delphi Medical Facility, cries and contemplates his actions. Ambulon comforts him.





	Aurora Borealis

Not even the aurora glowing above me could dispel the dark feeling in my frame. Beautiful, radiant, but behind them, a force that can be damaging.

I guess you can say we’re one in the same.

The uncertainty of what the future holds is clawing at my spark. It’s a shadow only I can see.

My hands stiffen at the cold wind that makes itself known. This planet, so barren, yet so saturated with one’s own contemplation. I’ve found myself more and more times staring into the white abyss, a silent cry for help to whatever passing entity exists out there. Desperately hoping the vast expanse of ice will yield any answers.

_‘Being a doctor is about making life or death choices.’_

But when do you know you’ve made the choice that grants life? When do you know you’ve made the right one?

You don’t.

I don’t.

Nothing else pervades my mind more intensely. It echoes in my thoughts, time burning away second by second since that fateful day.

My life has been plagued with doubt, with countless “what ifs.”

What if I never decided to become a doctor? What if I never left Cybertron? What if I contacted High Command instead? What if I just had fled?

This time, I’m asking myself “What if I didn’t?”

All I wanted was to save them. Surrounded by so much death, I wanted to preserve life, the lives of the last two people I cared about.

_‘You did what you could.’_

My spark aches and flutters. I closed my optics for several seconds, trying to imagine a world where I only made the right choices.

_‘This will come back to you.’_

I opened them slowly, stared up into the heavens and wept, hoping the howling wind would drown out my sobbing. The brilliant greens and deep blues of the lights above me distorted into unrecognizable disarray. I placed my head in my hands, and my tears fell to the cold surface beneath me.

_‘You had no choice.’_

My processor became hazy, my thoughts a mess.

_‘You’ve doomed them.’_

I ex vented erratically.

_‘What have you done?’_

_‘What kind of doctor kills his patients to save himself!?’_

I couldn’t silence that voice in my processor. The sounds around me were drowned out by my internal screams. So much so, that I didn’t hear the door behind me hiss open, or the sounds of footsteps approaching in my direction.

I only noticed the warm hand placed on my shoulder.

I almost snapped a neck cable turning my head as fast as I did. The first thing that caught my attention in my tear blinded sight was a pair of two glowing yellow eyes as luminescent as the aurora itself, but this one, far more comforting.  

“Ambulon?”

He spoke no words, but the look on his face said more than enough. He sat beside me, amber eyes transfixed onto the distant landscape. The ridges and curves on his body and face illuminated softly under the gleaming night above. I only stared. He’s never seen me lose my composure like this. He probably doesn’t know how to react.

As I’ve mentioned before, I hate Decepticons, current or former. Though in this case, I can make an exception.

I felt the urge have him closer to me, to feel the warmth of another living frame, but mine wouldn’t budge. Only when he finally, after what seemed like an eternity, turned his head towards mine, and my eyes met his, was when I lost my restraint.

He seemed to be a step ahead, as if anticipating my actions. The moment I leaned towards him, he opened his arms and caught me, as the rest of my tears spilled out. He remained silent, but I felt that there would time for discussion later.

My head fell onto his upper chestplate. So warm. I could hear the pulse of his spark.

_‘He’s here. He’s alive. He’s okay.’_

He placed his arms around my frame, and slightly pulled me towards him closer, as if he was protecting me from something I could not see.

Maybe he could see the shadow too. Maybe he knew.

I whimpered lowly, and he began to lightly stroke my wings in comfort. A small gesture, but one I appreciated.

He probably pitied me. Seeing the CMO of Delphi uncontrollably sobbing on the roof at night.

“I wasn’t strong enough.” I say to him, voice breaking in between words.

_‘Not strong enough to do the right thing? Or not strong enough to tell Ambulon the truth?’_

He stayed silent for a few seconds, and I began to worry.

“Showing weakness is a sign of strength.” He said very softly, trying not to exacerbate the situation.

_‘I don’t deserve him.’_

Eventually my sobbing quieted down. Neither of us moved for a long time. Time still burned slowly, but in a different light, it burned warmly. For a brief second, I didn’t feel the paralyzing fear I have felt in my chassis for days. I felt safe, but I knew this bliss won’t last forever. Reality will come creeping back and will rob us of this very moment before given the time to process it.

I’m more than willing to indulge.

Ambulon shifted, and let me go, much to my disappointment. I looked up at him as he offered me his hand.

“Pharma.”

I took his hand and stood up to meet his gaze.

“It’s warmer inside.”

It was at this moment I decided to choose him, to make him mine.

After all, it’s about life and death choices.

**Author's Note:**

> First fic for the Transformers fandom. Don't eat me alive thx.


End file.
